We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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