I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
