Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This house was built for laser tag.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
