And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
