i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
