Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
