Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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