Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
