Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
