the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
