you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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