He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
