idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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