There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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