This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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