So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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