I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
