Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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