So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
