the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
