Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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