stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
