doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
