k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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