How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
