Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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