I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
