We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
