Swine flu. Run for my life!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
