I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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