Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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