I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
