i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
