Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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