my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
