At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
