We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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