And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
