3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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