I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
