You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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