He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
