I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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