Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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