I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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