I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
