She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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