dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
