Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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