I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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