if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
