Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
