drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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