you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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