I'm gonna have a badass scar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
