how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
