Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
