fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
