I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
