The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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