I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
