You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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