lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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