Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
